


I'm gonna feel alone forever

by pinkpurpleblue



Series: Except late at night (maybe I'm not) [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Child Abuse, Gen, Hawkins National Laboratory, Hurt/Comfort, Martin Brenner Being an Asshole, Protective Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Has Powers, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve Harrington-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26558566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkpurpleblue/pseuds/pinkpurpleblue
Summary: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, and Eleven.Having numbers as names makes math confusing, but it's just another thing they'll all have to learn.(Oneshots set in the universe of 'I'm getting used to the thought' an AU where Steve was raised in Hawkins lab.)
Series: Except late at night (maybe I'm not) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931485
Comments: 3
Kudos: 86





	1. Dictionary

**Author's Note:**

> I got a lot of positive responses to the idea of making an in-universe oneshot book so here it is! There's no real plot to this one, since it's for mostly flashbacks that don't really fit into the actual story but I'm still excited. Wanna know more about Seven and Eight's friendship? How did Seven get the name 'Steve'? What were the other kids like? All these questions will be answered and more! And hey, if y'all even have something specific you wanna see, let me know! I doubt there'll be any requests for my little story, but if there are, I'd be happy to write them!
> 
> With that out of the way, just to let y'all know, I go a little more in depth about Steve and the other kids' shitty childhood in this one, so please heed the child abuse tag!

Tears are running down Seven’s face, and he tucks himself further into the corner. He raises his fist to his face and bits down hard on his palm. It muffles the sound of his crying but not enough so switches, slapping his hand over his mouth and holding it. Crying is dangerous here, he told Eleven that once, when she was a baby. She’s a couple of years old now, still learning that there are no safe spaces here, to never stop looking over your shoulder. He thought he had learned that kind of thing years ago, but here he is, openly crying. He feels stupid and it only fuels the choking feeling in his throat. 

New words were hard to come by, but he didn’t like this one. He files it away with all the words Papa’s said with tight lips, furrowed brows. It goes right in the box with _disappointment,_ and _weak._ Papa used to be calmer, nicer. Then he’d declared him and Eight _lost causes -_ another set of words that go in the box. Despite the sudden change in Papa that day, Seven liked being paired with Eight, it made him feel stronger. He shouldn’t be surprised when the new word comes out. He thinks it goes with _disappointment_ and _weak_ , but it also seems different, like it should start a new category. 

“ _Useless_.” He whispers, the word coming out shaky. He thinks it’s worse than the others. The way Papa had shouted it, and the way his fist had slammed into the table before he said it. Seven didn’t like this new category, it was scary. He would have to ask Eight about it later if he didn’t end up in the cold room for crying. He’s curled up in a corner just outside the testing room, Papa had just told him to leave but didn’t tell him where to go, didn’t call anyone to take him anywhere.

He wants Eight, but he saw her get sent to the doctor earlier. He thinks about finding one of the others but he doesn’t know them that well. He’d talked to Three and Five a bit, played quietly with Four once. He thinks of Eleven briefly but he turns that down quickly. Seven’s meant to be stronger, to be able to comfort her. To hopefully help her enough that she doesn’t need to be comforted. 

His lungs are aching now, and he lets go of his mouth to take a few shaky breaths. It gets too tempting to let out a whine, so as silently as he can he covers his mouth with one hand and starts to slam on his thigh with the other, his eyes clenched shut. There’s just enough pain to focus and he hopes he can keep it together enough to make it back to his room. 

Suddenly, there’s a hand over his, holding it in place, and Seven’s eyes fly open, and he flinches back into the wall. After a second, he realizes it’s just Six kneeling in front of him. Only, there’s a guard just behind him, probably meant to escort him somewhere. Instead, the man just stands there, dazed, staring into the wall. 

Six must notice him looking, “Not much time.” the other boy says, and Seven just then notices the blood dripping from his nose. “I don’t know the word, but it’s like bored.” 

Seven remembers then, that Six can change what other people are feeling. And he was good at it, from what Seven’s heard. He wonders if he learns nice words in the testing room. Seven doesn’t have many of those, only _good,_ and _happy._ Eight had called him a _dummy_ once, and even though Three said that it’s not a nice word, Seven felt happy when she said it, and she was smiling; so he puts it in the nice category anyway. 

“You’ll get in trouble.” Seven says because it’s true. The guard won’t forget that Six used his power on him, and when it wears off he’ll be angry. Six looks at him weirdly and takes a second. Seven knows that face though, he does it too when he’s trying to put words together. He doesn’t know many, so it’s hard to say what he means sometimes. But Six should be fine since Seven’s rarely seen him without a book. He must have read his way through the whole library by now. 

“I’ll be fine.” He finally says, “They like me, but not you.” 

Seven might understand what Six is trying to say, but it sounds too close to his new word, sounds too much like a fist hitting a table. There’s a choking sound that tears its way from the back of his throat and the tears that barely started to fade come back stronger. He bites down on his palm again, his teeth digging into the skin. 

“No!” Six says, catching his wrist and pulling it back. “Let me calm.” He gestures to where they’re now holding hands, “Please.” He looks panicked, and his voice cracks on the last word. 

Seven nods silently, curious and desperate to stop the ache of his lungs and his head. Six nods back and squeezes his hand slowly. It doesn’t take as long as Seven thought it would, because it’s not even a second later when the pit in his stomach fades away, and the urge to cry follows. He feels nice, and even though he can remember his new word he can’t understand why he was crying over it. He feels like when Eight stole a card game from some of the scientists and they pretended they knew how to play, or like when El called him “Seb” and he smiled so wide at the fact that she said something to him first, instead of the scientists. 

“Thank you.” He tells Six, who slowly stands up and pulls Seven up with him. “I’m sorry,” He says because he has to, “Never talked to you.” He feels bad, but not enough to break through his calm. He’d never really talked to Six, even though there had been a few chances. Six was the opposite of Seven, he knew a lot from always reading, never snuck out, and always followed the rules, except now, all so he could help Seven. 

“Not your fault.” Six says, pausing for a second. “I never talked to you,” he leans in, “Eight is scary.” 

He can’t stop a laugh from bubbling up, so different from the crying he was doing just a few minutes earlier. “She is.” He agrees because it’s true. 

Six glances back at the guard and Seven follows his gaze, the man is still standing there, but he’s starting to shift around. “You should go.” Six says, and Seven nods sadly. 

“Thank you.” He whispers, letting go of his hand finally. Reluctantly, he starts toward his room, forcing himself not to look back. He can already feel Six’s influence wearing off, but he’s too tired now to cry anymore. So instead, he slips quietly into his room and starts to draw. He keeps tearing out pages of his notebook, but finally, he draws something that he thinks is good enough to thank Six. 

The next night, he stops time and makes his way to the library and stays just long enough to leave the drawing on the table. It shows them both together, cheering while Eight punches a guard in the face. He folds it in half so any wandering guards don’t find it, and writes _Six_ sloppily on top of it. 


	2. S(t)even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s an eternity and a dozen memories later that El finds herself in the familiar darkness again.
> 
> or
> 
> El's perspective of chapter 12 from 'I'm getting used to the thought'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. So fun fact I wasn't sure whether or not to write chapter 12 in Steve's perspective or El's, and even though I eventually decided on Steve, I could get El's version out of my head. So here we go!

It’s an eternity and a dozen memories later that El finds herself in the familiar darkness again. It feels different from the first time when she talked to Eight through the car radio. This time feels like she’s being pulled toward something but the tether is comforting, so she lets herself be guided to whatever is at the end of it. 

It’s not obvious, but she feels herself shifting. She tentatively puts a hand on her head when she no longer feels the ends of her hair tickle her shoulders. There’s nothing there, just the old feeling of a buzzed head. She’s shorter, too, and her clothes have changed back into the old scrubs she used to wear. 

It’s confusing because El can’t remember this ever happening in the familiar dark, and it scares her. She has so much more now, she can’t go back to being Eleven, she really likes being El. 

But Hopper wouldn’t let her go back there, he wouldn’t. She feels stupid for clinging to that thought but she does. It feels nice to think that way, that Hopper was just _there,_ that she could slam doors and yell and he didn’t leave or speak to her in that cold way that Papa did. Hopper said sorry when he was wrong and he didn’t make her feel stupid when she didn’t know a word or when she took a long time to learn how to read a clock. 

It’s a nice word. A new word to her. _Trust._ It’s kinda like how she felt about Seven and Eight, except she doesn’t worry as much about Hopper, because Hopper was an adult and he had people like Joyce looking out for him. And she likes Joyce, but she feels uneasy around her because then she starts to wonder what it would be like to have a mom. Which is weird because El does have a mom, she’s met her. But she wonders what it would be like she and her mom were normal, then she wonders what it would be like if Joyce was her mom. 

She doesn’t let herself think about that a lot, but right now she doesn’t push the thought away, just for a little bit of comfort while she walks in the dark. 

It’s not long until she sees him. It’s like seeing Kali for the first time all over again. He’s exactly like she remembers him, which she selfishly likes because she wouldn’t recognize him if he wasn’t shifted like she is. 

“Seven,” El says, out loud. She tries to keep her voice from breaking, she’s older now, even if she doesn’t look it. She’s older and she got _out_ , all by herself. She wants Seven to know that.

He turns to look at her, blinking and staring for a minute before looking down at himself. Probably realizing he’s younger too. She wonders what he looks like older. Does he have curly hair like her? Is he tall? She doesn’t have a lot of reference for what older brothers look like. 

“El-” Seven starts, choking before he can say whatever it is he wants to say. She wants him to keep talking because his voice feels the same as when she hears Hopper snoring in the next room over in the cabin. _Safe_ is the word, or at least she thinks it is. 

“Seven, I-” She starts, and just like him, she stops. Her throat is dry. She doesn’t know what she wants to say because she never thought she’d ever see him again. _I missed you_ maybe? or _I got out, I did it_? 

_I’m scared._

“You need to wake up.” He says, “El, you can do this, you can pull yourself out of whatever this is.” 

He sounds so sure, and it’s different from what she remembers. Seven was always shaky when he talked, couldn’t fake not being scared like Eight could. But here he is, and he looks young but he sounds older. He seems so sure that she can break out of this, but she’s never felt so out of control. Even when she’s in the darkness there’s an edge to it, she can’t get any sort of grip around it. 

“I can’t.” El’s definitely crying now, and it’s the exact opposite of how she wants Seven to see her, because he taught her not to cry, that it wasn’t safe and her she is. “I want to go home.” She tells him because it’s not enough to have him there, she wants them both to be somewhere safe and she wants Hopper and everyone to meet her brother and she wants him to know that she found people that are good even when Eight had always said that good people didn’t exist. 

“I’m sorry.” Seven says suddenly, “I left you and I shouldn’t have. I-” And now he’s crying, and El doesn’t hesitate to run to him and wrap her arms around his waist and she doesn’t notice how tight she’s holding him but she can’t let him go because Kali had turned so angry and she can’t lose Seven like she lost Kali. 

But she doesn’t want to say any of that, doesn’t think she can, so she lets Seven move around enough to kneel down and hug her back. It feels really nice, to hug her brother and she thinks he feels the same because they just sit there for what feels like another eternity.

After that eternity though, he moves his hand to the back of her head, and they both feel it at the same time. Her hair is back to how it was before the dark shifted her, and she pulls back. 

Oh.

Her mind is running a mile a minute trying to remember everything she can about Steve Harrington. She hadn’t paid any attention whenever anyone talked about him. She knows he used to date Nancy, which she’s definitely gonna ask him about later, and knows that Mike once called him an _asshole._ And she doesn’t want to hurt Mike, but she’s gonna talk to him too because he can’t talk that way about her brother. 

“Steve.” She says carefully, it’s close to Seven, like how El is close to Eleven. She wonders how he got it, she hadn’t chosen her name at first but it was nice to have everyone call her El, it was different. She really likes it now, she likes that it’s normal, that she chooses to be called it. 

“Yeah, that’s me.” He responds, “Sorry.” 

She ignores that last part because she can’t think about what he’s sorry for so she goes back to the name thing. 

“Ste-ve.” She sounds it out slower. “I like it.” She says because she does. 

Steve smiles. 

“Think you can get us home, El?” and she thinks she can, because they’re Steve and El now, not Seven and Eleven, they’re older and they got _out_. 

She nods. 


End file.
